Winds of Change

 The Winds of Change

So I have been away for a awhile, my "L" key is broken and it makes it rather difficult to type. I have been fueling my need for success and approval through this awesome new business, (thank you to all who have made purchases) picked up a new sponsee and have been hitting more meetings. Because you don't know me, I can be as candid as I please on here. This blog gets only a few unsolicited hits a day, my website even less, and all of those things lead to an overall feeling of failure. 

I have thousands of friends out there, people like you I will never meet, but I struggle with forming even the simplest of bond, I am even worse with permanent relationships. The majority of what I write here is accusatory, cynical and crass. No wonder you don't want to read it. But isn't that the point, I show you me and in turn I get to see me in a new light!

The fellowship is designed to help us to become better people, and for awhile I believed that I was changing, that my character defects were leaving, that I was become the person God intended for me to be. I talk about peace of mind and stillness in my heart, of kindness and compassion and of true love and understanding as if these are a checklist of ultimate goals. In the end they are ideals. We are all called to Sainthood and that means a life comprised of struggle and pain. With every self examination comes discovery and discord. I have found my life filled with distraction rather than meaning, with acquaintance rather than comradeship, with cynicism rather than understanding. While this does not paint a picture worth selling, I do recognize the power of potential as well as the need for change.