The Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous states clearly that we are to identify ourselves as simply "members of Alcoholics Anonymous". However, along the way (I am guessing when this business of you are an alcoholic when you say you are started) we began identifying ourselves prior to sharing in meetings in a way that can not only say who we are but what we are, what school of thought we come from and what we believe in.
I can often be found at meetings simply sharing without introduction, by now you know who I am, what's the point? But is this small act of defiance against the mainstream views itself an attempt to individualize and set me apart from everyone else?
I was asked today why it is that I identify myself as a recovering alcoholic, and why I don't say recovered. Right there a line is drawn, some will say there are at least 2 distinct schools of thought in AA and I will lose half of you when I choose my side. Do I believe that you can recover from this "seemingly hopeless state of mind and body''? Have I recovered from it too, the answer is yes, unequivocally yes. And given enough time I can and will explain in great depth and detail my thoughts about this (stay tuned). However this is just about introductions, so I will stick to that...
After the 10th step the book says we are to increase in understanding and effectiveness. I believe that in order to be effective I have to be heard. That includes but is not limited to, not drawing any clear lines when I share that will force the person on the other end to stop listening prematurely based on preconceived notions I may never get the chance to explain. I want them to hear what I say after the introduction rather than get lost in the meaning behind the intro.
Now, when I share in meetings and I introduce myself, I do so as a recovering alcoholic. Here's why: it is what I was told to do when I was new, I lacked sober experience so I relied on others who were sober longer than me to guide me. I have since gained sober experience which changed my opinion, however I am still following the directions I was given in the beginning.
Whatever your reason may be, remember this, we are here to discuss the solution to alcoholism (a word I have a hard time spelling) which we can all agree on. We should spend a little more energy listening to the message after the intro, and a little less energy attempting to discern from the intro a person's AA correctness.
Up next, on a similar note....Why no one wants to share their sobreity date in meetings and the detrimental effect that can have on the fellowship...
I can often be found at meetings simply sharing without introduction, by now you know who I am, what's the point? But is this small act of defiance against the mainstream views itself an attempt to individualize and set me apart from everyone else?
I was asked today why it is that I identify myself as a recovering alcoholic, and why I don't say recovered. Right there a line is drawn, some will say there are at least 2 distinct schools of thought in AA and I will lose half of you when I choose my side. Do I believe that you can recover from this "seemingly hopeless state of mind and body''? Have I recovered from it too, the answer is yes, unequivocally yes. And given enough time I can and will explain in great depth and detail my thoughts about this (stay tuned). However this is just about introductions, so I will stick to that...
After the 10th step the book says we are to increase in understanding and effectiveness. I believe that in order to be effective I have to be heard. That includes but is not limited to, not drawing any clear lines when I share that will force the person on the other end to stop listening prematurely based on preconceived notions I may never get the chance to explain. I want them to hear what I say after the introduction rather than get lost in the meaning behind the intro.
Now, when I share in meetings and I introduce myself, I do so as a recovering alcoholic. Here's why: it is what I was told to do when I was new, I lacked sober experience so I relied on others who were sober longer than me to guide me. I have since gained sober experience which changed my opinion, however I am still following the directions I was given in the beginning.
Whatever your reason may be, remember this, we are here to discuss the solution to alcoholism (a word I have a hard time spelling) which we can all agree on. We should spend a little more energy listening to the message after the intro, and a little less energy attempting to discern from the intro a person's AA correctness.
Up next, on a similar note....Why no one wants to share their sobreity date in meetings and the detrimental effect that can have on the fellowship...
I never used to use or say the words "recovering nor recovered" either one - with my introduction...now sometimes I do...I let God lead and direct me - on the occasions I use the word "recovered" since I am- I take a small amount of time and use this minute to explain exactly why I am..it is a good strong message of hope...and when I am truly humble in my delivery of sharing this message of hope no one seems to get offended...and I want people to know that we don't stay "sick" we do get well..and I don't have to look over my shoulder wondering or worrying everyday if I might drink again because I have applied our permanent solution and part of that permanent solution is to continue working the 12 steps in my daily life and God does all the rest. I think it is good for me to be open and flexible so God can use me as He would like. I also do not use any of the "and a's" alcoholic and a...._________. in my intro for the same reasons you mentioned "separating" my self as different...and in my first 5,10,15, even 20 years I wasn't very comfortable using the term recovering or even recovered in my into..but, now sometimes I am and I let God nudge me on certain occasions to use these terms ..my response from new comers ..especial when I say I'm a fully recovered alcoholic- this has often opened up new dialogue of interest with both new and older members ...because like you said in your article...it is still a foreign term around the meetings...and it helps me help them get back to reading the book with a new interest of appeal and understanding...
ReplyDeleteI am new to the AA community; I have attended many meetings then relapsed and fell back into an old abusive pattern. I made excuses and fell off (same ol story). Something that discouraged me was the "seemingly hopeless state of mind and body". Now I understand (as do others I talked about what that means). It is a relinquishment of control to a higher power. Its part of that understanding that we cannot control the things around us and that phrase alone should instill hope in people “seemingly”. It is not hopeless. However, the air I got from my group suggested otherwise. That it is hopeless to an extent, that you will never be happy never drinking again is seemingly hopeless and you can stop drinking. However, you will remain in a perpetual state of sorrow and misery. Something that many of the sponsors drove home was “I am helping you to help me”. I understand that concept but do not understand why it has to be drilled and preclude any conversation. My group was unique however, most of our leaders where less than a year sober some of them as little as three months. I found this frustrating and it reminded me of something like “the lost boys” or “Lord of the flies”. I found other groups to attend that I found more encouraging but my schedule conflicts with the meeting times. I like the concepts from the book but what I read and what I have observed being followed has in my opinion has been taken out of context. I call myself Living Hell to characterize that idea and use my blog as therapy. I believe in hope. I believe in GOD. I do not believe it is neither hopeless nor seemingly hopeless. The only times I have felt that way is when I was a regretful and drunk. I failed so many times but refuse to give up I know through the steps I have a long way to go and I know there is a lot I don’t understand but what I have seen so far is that AA is missing something that I haven’t quite figured out yet. There is more that is yet to be discovered. I have found meetings closed minded to new ideas and sometimes even positive thinking. Does being an alcoholic mean I have to leave behind my sense of humor and optimistic outlook. I feel at meetings there should be a moment where people honor the fact that we are all there (and not in a somber monotone fashion). Many alcoholics trade the addiction of substance for an addiction for pity and there sorrows become a crutch (kind of like "crying in their beer").
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