Road to Recovery

"God has given me the ability to walk through trials with grace and dignity."

I am very grateful for the strength I have been given, the perspective I have, and the foundation that has been laid. This post will be less about my opinion and more about my experience. 

I have, throughout my sober life had trials laid before me that I believe have been designed to bring me closer to God. I am, in hindsight, able to see his hand in all of the details leading up to and including the very trial I have to pass through.

I have not always had this faith, in fact I have spent much of my life, sober and before, believing that I was controlling it all. Today, this faith I share with those around me is like the warmth of a familiar blanket when there is a chill in the air. It brings comfort from the presence of God in my life when all around me is pain and suffering. Much the same way a small child clings to their favorite blanket or stuffed bear, this is not immediately instinctual but rather a learned behavior that has come from pain or fear and then relief or comfort. You do that enough times and you develop a faith.

Perhaps that is all very childish, perhaps I should reach into the very premise that we are engaged here and now in all out spiritual warfare, that our sober struggle, and yes it is from time to time a struggle, is a battle on an spiritual plane. We have to die a death to self and in doing so we are in a sense "reborn" to bring comfort to the sick, food to the hungry, and shelter to those in the cold. We have ultimately been saved so that we can do God's work. If you believe in the presence of God in our lives, then you cannot deny the existence of  a competing force or power, that in sobriety pulls us from God's will and away from the work that has been laid before us. We struggle daily with the removal of selfishness in an effort to become better aligned with His will, but when we are misaligned the battle begins.

But what you might ask does this have to do with staying sober? Well, our daily reprieve is based upon the maintenance of our spiritual program. We are also called to grow along spiritual lines, increasing in faith and understanding of this faith allows for us to remain continuously sober.

Coming up....I will be inviting some of our readers to share their story, short inspiring bits about lives spared and souls saved!

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Posted in AA, death, faith, God, perspective, sober, spiritual, suicide, understanding

Suicide

suicide

there is an incredible amount of suffering in the world. i have, in my 9+ sober years, bore witness to a great deal of this pain. i want you to know that while there is pain there is also still hope.

8 days ago i was touched in a very intimate way by suicide. despite a solid sober foundation and a faith in god, i was completely and totally devastated.

i have spent the better portion of the last week attempting handle my emotions while trying to make sense of the situation. suicide is, in humble opinion, an entirely selfish act. when a person commits suicide, they despite the rest of the world's thoughts, place a value on their own life. suicide often takes a father from his son, a son from his father, a husband from his wife and a brother from his siblings. despite what would only be met with protest, the suicide takes any birthdays, holidays, any joy that was left in that relationship and places a value by which they then compare to the value of their suffering.

i understand suffering, in a very deep and personal way. i have often weighed the value of my life, the hurt i have caused others and the joy which i might bring. i feel as though i am in touch with all of these things and am therefore capable of being reached out to for help. yet the phone didn't ring.

there is a deeply spiritual experience associated with this as well, one that i would be remiss to neglect. because of the severity of selfishness that is associated with the act it must be (church doctrine says so) an act of evil. the fight for one's life in the grip of suicidal depression can be explained as simply spiritual warfare. a war which exploits the slightest weakness of one's mind to convince them that they are worthless.

coming through on the other side is another experience all together. i beat the ambulance to the hospital. despite careful planning and redundancy, it didn't work. i was in icu when my loved one came to. the grief, the shame and embarrassment was horrifying. they sat devastated, apologetic, and remorseful. confused at the reason it had been unsuccessful they were now faced with the road ahead. meanwhile i and the others who where close had to ask, why?

was there something we had done or failed to do? did we miss something, or were there really no signs? we began to piece together the days and weeks leading up to it, and afterward we had an accurate picture of pain, a suffering each was only aware of in our own unique way. but without the entire picture it seemed manageable. there was guilt as some felt as though there was something more that could or should have been done.why anyone who commits suicide believes they have an accurate appraisal of the pain they will cause others is beyond me. i am full of anger, fear, grief and sorrow and i spent time with my loved one today.

the internet is full of horrific stories and romantic plays, there are videos and guides, books and forums. there are advocacy groups and help lines. but my experience says this, if you pay close attention, if you show a genuine and sincere interest in those around you, if you see their pain and can offer an ear, then maybe, just maybe they will share. if you have been touched by suicide, i feel your pain, if you have or are considering this as a way out, please don't hesitate to reach out. there are people that love and appreciate you and you will be missed...

Need help? In the U.S., call 1-800-273-8255

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline

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Posted in depression, emotions, experience, faith, God, hope, hopeless, humble, intimately, pain, sober, suicidal, suicide

Where are the other nine?

Jesus asked, "Were not all ten cleansed? Where are the other nine?" Luke 17:17

With-in the book of Luke in the Bible there exists a parable in which 10 people afflicted with leprosy are healed or made clean by Jesus. After such point nine of them leave without expressing the deep gratitude they should have for their lives being spared...one remains and for that is rewarded.

Regardless of your faith, one cannot help but draw a parallel between this story and similar ones in Alcoholics Anonymous. 

Much like the like the lepers of the time, active alcoholics are often cast out of society, deemed unclean and cast aside to die drunk. We are delivered through divine intervention to the rooms of AA where we are, through in immeasurable act of mercy, spared from the certain death of alcoholism. Our sobreity is contingent upon the the maintenance of our spiritual program which includes but is not limited to giving back to our fellowship through service, acts of mercy, charity, and the constant display of gratitude. 

However, as with the parable, AA is often stricken  with a case of the "other nines". Those alcoholics who, having found the solution, set off on their own selfish path to satisfy their own whims and desires. Soon they are too busy with life, to comfortable in sobreity, too tired, too sick, too warm or too cold to get out and carry the message. Soon they begin to suffer, the internal condition returns...and a drink looks appealing.

As for the one, "Rise and go; your faith has made you well.". We are called to remain in service, ours is a daily reprieve, and we must continue to diligently carry our message in order to assure that we remain free.

Up next? The Internal Condition!

Take a moment to check out our sponsor: The Token Shop

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Posted in alcoholic, alcoholics anonymous, faith, God, gratitude, message, service, sobriety, solution, spiritual