Absolute Truth

"Humility is knowing the absolute truth about one's self" -Mother Teresa

Humility is a very difficult subject, one that by it's very nature seems rather counter-intuitive. As one increases in understanding and knowledge they become more of an expert on the subject. By common belief in Alcoholics Anonymous this leads to a less humble individual. Wrong!

I stand to argue the point that we should make every effort to increase in understanding and effectiveness through the practice of these principles in our affairs we become masters in the art of knowing the truth about ourselves. We practice daily maintenance of a spiritual program of action in which we invite God into our lives to mold us into the beings he desires, we ask him to remove those things which block us from him and to strengthen those attributes which we will need to help those we should meet along the way. 

In the early days of my sober life and near the end of active addiction I experienced the type of humiliation that only we can understand. I was devastated, the result was that I learned to seek God in my life for the comfort and support I longed for. We must not confuse humiliation with the act of being humble. While it was certainly my experience to first be humiliated and then to become humble, it was not a cause and effect scenario. 

Take for example the above quote, it would suggest that our first experience with humility should come near the fifth step where we take a personal inventory of all that is good and bad and place it before God and another, in doing so we survey the wreckage and take stock of the salvageable.  We come to know the truth about ourselves such as we never had before. All the while placing ourselves before God. It stands to reason that some humiliation would come before this as we admit powerlessness or complete defeat, internalize that we are truly alcoholic and begin to see a need for a power greater than ourselves. 

Out of this weakness is born strength to discover the absolute truth about ourselves, some of us are great writers and other masterful musicians, while others still are incredible orators. We become fully aware, in God's presence, of the gifts we have been given and of the mission we are to set forth on. The man who is most humble is he who takes the gifts that have been given to him and uses them for the most good. 

Are you using your gifts for maximum goodness?

My new iMac will be here in just a couple of days and with it my new keyboard, which has an "L" key, something that I have been missing for a couple of months now, something which I thought to be very insignificant. To the contrary I have missed every keystroke in that time.

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Posted in alcoholic, alcoholics anonymous, effectiveness, experience, God, humble, humiliation, humility, power, powerless, understanding

Night Fell!

The Night Fell...

 There is a thickness to the night which I haven't felt in years. Reminiscent of those early days of recovery in which there felt to be no safe place, I seem trapped by recent events. The horror of my loved one's recent suicide attempt, the realization of the gravity of the act and the circumstances leading to it, is staggering.

I often find myself awake late hours, distraction brings static which in turn brings a soft relief to what is the inevitable time alone with my thoughts.

I am 9 years sober, I have been to some great therapists in my day, I am spiritually fit and aware of what is happening to me. None of this takes away the chill that runs through my spine when the phone rings...because the phone rang, 3 times the phone rang that day, and it was always someone who wouldn't call me..."There's been an accident!"

No, there had been no accident, there had been a plan and the only accident was God's grace and mercy which saw that plan fail. However the damage was done, at least the lasting emotional trauma. The dreams are there, the haunting images and the sounds...all very real!

We are taught to love through action and forgive. I have been shown, by the fellowship I call home and the people who surround me. I have been taught a nearly involuntary reliance upon God in times of need. I seem to turn to him without thought or provocation, rather instinctual. It is there in the quiet of the night that I find solace in him, it is there as the demons seep in that I am meet with the warmth and light of the spirit.

I no longer suffer from a mental obsession, it was rather startling to me that I had passed into a new phase of recovery one in which the thought of drinking and the thought of not drinking were both nonexistent. Early in my sober life the thought of drinking was prominent, especially when things in my life became trying or troubling...However, as I stayed sober I became aware that these thoughts would come much later and then not at all...but there had always been a thought about drinking or not drinking, whichever the case, alcohol was at the front of my mind.

Humility is …

"Perpetual quietness of heart.

It is to have no trouble.

It is never to be fretted or vexed, irritable or sore; to wonder at nothing that is done to me, to feel nothing done against me.

It is to be at rest when nobody praises me, and when I am blamed or despised, it is to have a blessed home in myself where I can go in and shut the door and kneel to my Higher Power in secret and be at peace, as in a deep sea of calmness, when all around and about is seeming trouble."

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Posted in alcoholic, God, humility, love, mental obsession, sober, spiritual, suicide