I remember my sponsor saying early in my sober life, miffed at the idea and confounded by the reasoning, I stayed sober until I understood.
Recently I was party to a discussion on the pitfalls of expectations especially for the sober alcoholic. Several people were quick to point out that they had unreasonable expectations of not only themselves but of others as well, and that these demands negatively effected their level of serenity. While I will not challenge the validity of this, I will say that there is a thin line between apathy and cutting oneself some slack.
It becomes very easy for the sober alcoholic to fall into a routine of apathetic behavior, because it is far easier to set the bar with-in easy reach and never fail or suffer disappointment than it is to strive for greatness and learn from your shortcomings. I have expectations, of myself, my family and children, of those in society, I am surrounded by expectations, our world thrives on them. When was the last time you asked if you could examine the money you have "stored" in your bank account? You can see it on paper, read about it on a computer screen and thus expect that is is there.
The trouble we as sober alcoholics get into is that we seem to believe we have an accurate picture of ourselves. Our powers of self-appraisal for the most part non-existent early on yet we expect we should be less angry, more patient, more willing, less complacent, etc...we also expect that after a few years of sobriety we should also be in a particular spot and berate our selves for falling short of the mark. This is where sponsorship plays such a key role, if we are not surrounded by people who can evaluate us and understand our motives, we will certainly fail to see where we truly are.
Now with that said there is a certain amount of peace that comes from ceasing to expect. With that said I will leave with this:
"When you cease to expect, you have everything."
Please take a moment to visit our sponsor-The Token Shop
I think the expectations that we alcoholics "suffer" from are those that stem from the insidious pride which characterizes the root of our malady. Namely, what we expect from other people. Particularly, how they should be treating us, and what they should be doing for us.
ReplyDeleteThe humility which arises from realizing I am not the fabulous and awesome person I thought was, or "should be by now," is really only a help in getting right sized. It also deepens our dependence on God, where our dependence belongs.
The designs we have on what other people should be doing, however, has to die.