Call it a moment of clarity, or divine intervention, call it whatever you will...seven days into my stay at my only rehab facility, I asked to be weened from my anti-depressants. Sure I was depressed, and I had a prescription, to prove it. However given the current state of my life spiritually, emotionally, and physically, who wouldn't be depressed? Why shouldn't I get this little pill that helps me feel better each day? Here's why...What happens when it doesn't work, and it won't, there would come a time in my sober life when I would be depressed on anti-depressants and would seek something with a little more kick and there I go again.
Now, before the usual "you aren't a doctor" bit starts, let me say this, I am not a medical professional and my advice has no relevant medical basis, the only thing I have to share is my experience. Here goes...weened from the meds I began to experience moderate depression as the gradual re-moraliztion began to occur (more on this in another post). I had, however, been drinking and drugging heavily for years and my life was in shambles, to think I would just skate by with no pain was fool hardy.
"If you want the strongest wood in the forest, you must go where the wind blows the hardest."
We are in point of fact strengthened by the sober struggle. It is in this struggle that we come to better know, love, understand, respect and ultimately depend on God. It is also in this struggle that we begin to identify with others and start to write the story that will soon help others to grasp sobriety. Mood and mind altering medications act as clouds, blotting out the sunlight of the spirit with in which we are to operate in our daily lives. I am not saying you don't have a right to be depressed, I have battled my share of it in the last 9 years, what I am saying is that I have been present for this pain, and have grown through it and matured emotionally and spiritually as a result. I am able to identify new sober experience and share these in meetings with new-comers.
In recent years I have noticed an alarming trend of unethical prescription writing practices, where in individuals are loosely diagnosed and over written on prescriptions to the point of habit forming. Doctors tend to be quick to skip over the preliminary causes and solutions such as seeking therapy or lifestyle modification and the go straight for the pen and paper. We are responsible for our own recovery and we need to be certain we inform our doctors of our intentions as to not get something we don't need or want in a moment of weakness.
Today there is no depression, God has removed it and replaced it with grace and joy, someday the depression may very well return, I will engage more heavily in prayer, I will help others and I will look for the source of the clouds blocking me from the sunlight of His spirit...Up next...be careful who you listen to, you may not want what they have!
Now, before the usual "you aren't a doctor" bit starts, let me say this, I am not a medical professional and my advice has no relevant medical basis, the only thing I have to share is my experience. Here goes...weened from the meds I began to experience moderate depression as the gradual re-moraliztion began to occur (more on this in another post). I had, however, been drinking and drugging heavily for years and my life was in shambles, to think I would just skate by with no pain was fool hardy.
"If you want the strongest wood in the forest, you must go where the wind blows the hardest."
We are in point of fact strengthened by the sober struggle. It is in this struggle that we come to better know, love, understand, respect and ultimately depend on God. It is also in this struggle that we begin to identify with others and start to write the story that will soon help others to grasp sobriety. Mood and mind altering medications act as clouds, blotting out the sunlight of the spirit with in which we are to operate in our daily lives. I am not saying you don't have a right to be depressed, I have battled my share of it in the last 9 years, what I am saying is that I have been present for this pain, and have grown through it and matured emotionally and spiritually as a result. I am able to identify new sober experience and share these in meetings with new-comers.
In recent years I have noticed an alarming trend of unethical prescription writing practices, where in individuals are loosely diagnosed and over written on prescriptions to the point of habit forming. Doctors tend to be quick to skip over the preliminary causes and solutions such as seeking therapy or lifestyle modification and the go straight for the pen and paper. We are responsible for our own recovery and we need to be certain we inform our doctors of our intentions as to not get something we don't need or want in a moment of weakness.
Today there is no depression, God has removed it and replaced it with grace and joy, someday the depression may very well return, I will engage more heavily in prayer, I will help others and I will look for the source of the clouds blocking me from the sunlight of His spirit...Up next...be careful who you listen to, you may not want what they have!
"Quality sobriety" is measured by it's outcome. If it leads to a drink, it was not time spent in recovery. I don't care how miserable a recovering alcoholic is. If his time spent in sobriety is truly spent in recovery from his "seemingly hopeless state," then it will lead to another day of sobriety- which is hope-which is life- which is the highest quality. Happiness and serenity are by products of right living and communion with God. Also by products of right living and communion with God are struggle, hardship, and the essential, and painful process of becoming humble. This is the formula for quality recovery.
ReplyDeleteFood for thought from the Chapter"The Family Afterward"...."Some of your old problems will still be with you and this is as it should be"....hmmm seems to suggest that struggles are a part of sobriety....
ReplyDeleteWhen I went into an IOP program in early sobriety on my wife's suggestion; I was involved in a brief(15 min.) psychiatric evaluation. I was immediately offered a number of controlled substances to "aid" me in sobriety. It was mandatory to take antibuse so I was forced to do that, as for the others; I opted out against the suggestions of the folks running the program. I knew that relying on something I could ingest would not help me stop for good, it would only lead me down paths I had already traveled. Also, I wasn't comfortable in a diagnosis from such a short conversation, it seemed more of a sales pitch. With today's convenience based society I think(my opinion) people want a lot of something for nothing. I found that the solution I received from AA gave me access to a form of mental recovery that I was not aware possible. I no longer show symptoms to many of the psychological issues that I exhibited before, if I had accepted those pills; who knows where I would be now?
ReplyDeleteThere is a huge connection between depression and substance abuse. I believe some people do need meds. However, I also believe prescriptions are handed out all too frequently with no regard for the necessary inner work that needs to be done. Prescription drug use is one of the fastest growing problems and it's pretty scary to watch. Now days, even young children are prescribed drugs for anything and everything under the sun - even "diseases" that didn't exist only a few years ago. I suffered from depression for much of my life and know full well it was one of the reasons I drank - to self medicate. Now that I'm in recovery (not just sobriety) I no longer self-medicate, however I have done years of inner work to get to this point. For me, recovery would not have been possible without it.
ReplyDeleteI was seeing a psychotherapist and psychiatrist when I came into AA...my psychotherapist actually said he wouldn't see me anymore unless I started to go to AA. Anyways, I "tested" as someone who had been physically, sexually and emotionally abused throughout his life...none of those things had happened. The sessions were all about him trying to give me reasons not to commit suicide. Got put on meds.
ReplyDeleteAfter a few months of hell while resisting the program of Alcoholics Anonymous, I finally gave in and worked the steps rapidly. Went through the promised psychic change...three months later my psychotherapist said I should stop seeing him as it was a waste of time and money since he knew he could never do as much for me as AA was doing. Treated the spiritual malady and my depression lifted, who would have thought?
I really don't feel that the anti-depressant I was on made a difference one way or the other. I stayed on them for a while with the thought of "It's working, why mess with it?" Maybe I needed them, maybe I didn't. Maybe they slightly slowed my growth, maybe they didn't. Personally, I feel that they were wholly irrelevant.
But...is there anyone who walks into the rooms that can't be diagnosed with "grave emotional and mental disorders"? That's the nature of the beast. I'm not a doctor and don't want to play one...but I have recovered from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body through spiritual means and find this to be a valid question:
"I'm not a doctor, the meds are between you and your doctors...but maybe you should ask yourself if you have given the steps a fair chance?"
Was listening to a series of talks by Ed M recently and he talked about meds making the point that the Doctor's are the experts about the medications, but we are the experts about how alcoholics and addicts abuse those medications...think there is a lot of validity to that statement.