Are you depressed?

Call it a moment of clarity, or divine intervention, call it whatever you will...seven days into my stay at my only rehab facility, I asked to be weened from my anti-depressants. Sure I was depressed, and I had a prescription, to prove it. However given the current state of my life spiritually, emotionally, and physically, who wouldn't be depressed? Why shouldn't I get this little pill that helps me feel better each day? Here's why...What happens when it doesn't work, and it won't, there would come a time in my sober life when I would be depressed on anti-depressants and would seek something with a little more kick and there I go again.

Now, before the usual "you aren't a doctor" bit starts, let me say this, I am not a medical professional and my advice has no relevant medical basis, the only thing I have to share is my experience. Here goes...weened from the meds I began to experience moderate depression as the gradual re-moraliztion began to occur (more on this in another post). I had, however, been drinking and drugging heavily for years and my life was in shambles, to think I would just skate by with no pain was fool hardy.

"If you want the strongest wood in the forest, you must go where the wind blows the hardest."

We are in point of fact strengthened by the sober struggle. It is in this struggle that we come to better know, love, understand, respect and ultimately depend on God. It is also in this struggle that we begin to identify with others and start to write the story that will soon help others to grasp sobriety. Mood and mind altering medications act as clouds, blotting out the sunlight of the spirit with in which we are to operate in our daily lives. I am not saying you don't have a right to be depressed, I have battled my share of it in the last 9 years, what I am saying is that I have been present for this pain, and have grown through it and matured emotionally and spiritually as a result. I am able to identify new sober experience and share these in meetings with new-comers.

In recent years I have noticed an alarming trend of unethical prescription writing practices, where in individuals are loosely diagnosed and over written on prescriptions to the point of habit forming. Doctors tend to be quick to skip over the preliminary causes and solutions such as seeking therapy or lifestyle modification and the go straight for the pen and paper. We are responsible for our own recovery and we need to be certain we inform our doctors of our intentions as to not get something we don't need or want in a moment of weakness.

Today there is no depression, God has removed it and replaced it with grace and joy, someday the depression may very well return, I will engage more heavily in prayer, I will help others and I will look for the source of the clouds blocking me from the sunlight of His spirit...Up next...be careful who you listen to, you may not want what they have!

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The Social Network Sponsor...

Information whizzes bye at the speed of light, fiber optics, wifi, satellites in the sky...and here we are, recovering alcoholics who for the most part have a very difficult time keeping anything simple.

It took just 164 pages for our founding fathers to lay the ground work for the program of recovery we all know and love today. With in those pages the solution to our problem lay, who could have know 75 years later where we would be. In it's early days AA groups sprung up outwardly with Akron as an Epicenter. Word travelled with recovered businessmen on trains, travelling salesmen, and book sales. If a fellow and his family moved to the next town he would surely start a new group and do his best to maintain the fellowship he knew so well from the old town.

Fast Forward...Star Date 2010...Myspace is dead, but worry not, you can, in the touch of a button, connect to hundreds with Facebook, tweet Book Quotes from Twitter, you can even become the mayor of your homegroup on Foursquare (not advisable). However with the speed at which information flows the necessity for diligence grows exponentially. Everyone has an opinion and now they can deliver this opinion rapidly to the masses with very little effort. Our tendency is to believe that these Social Networks will help us to better connect to like minded recovering people, allowing us to network, share and befriend those that share our beliefs and views. Buyer beware...there is a very real possibility we will begin to substitute our regular meetings to stay home with a cup of coffee and interact online...why not it's so much more comfortable.

While the virtual meeting space, the social network, and even this blog can help us to feel connected, let us not forget to get out there in the real world and interact. We can be anyone we want out here in the www, that means anyone else can too. Before you share your 5th step with that person you meet on ICQ, take a minute to ask yourself why you don't have a sponsor that attends your home group? What are you hiding? What is that person on the other end hiding? While this may seem extreme, it should serve as a note of caution, we as a fellowship are crossing into a new domain and we need to be prepared not only as individuals but as groups and as a fellowship for the coming changes in an effort to safe guard our future. As easy as it is to do good out there in the www, it is just as easy to do harm. For every piece of positive AA material there are countless pieces of propaganda against us.

The Social Network will certainly maintain it's place in out fellowship for years to come, and can and will be a vital tool for those members who are in remote areas and unable to fellowship, but AA promises that we will become useful members of society, that we will get out there in the world and do great things and meet awesome people, so let's  remember to maintain a balance...Anyone wanna be my Social Network Sponsor? Submit your resume on Monster.com, link me to your blog and twitter pages, friend me on FB and then let me review your Linkdin profile...see how easily we can complicate that???

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If you want what we have...

The operative word is "we" in the above statement, as in the one thing we share as members of our fellowship...sobriety. Alcoholism effects nearly 15% of the world, that does not, however, mean that everyone in AA is an alcoholic. And even those who are might not be practicing our principles in all of their affairs. To the new-comer, the vulnerable and the weak these people may appear helpful, genuine, sincere and sober. This is a dangerous trap, newcomers can be lead away from the message of AA by non-alcoholic, lonely, or otherwise disenfranchised members of our fellowship, often resulting in these newcomers leaving our meetings.

Our program of recovery is 100% successful, meaning that without a doubt when our spiritual principles are applied in our daily lives they bring about a psychic change sufficient for recovery. Without these spiritual tools, the real alcoholic will drink again without doubt. It is of paramount importance that the new members of our fellowship are steered to responsible, well meaning, and sober members of our program so that they are delivered our message in a clear and consistent fashion.

Be careful who you listen to, you should be able to tell in short order, who is following the steps of our program and who is not. Familiarize yourself with our basic text, look for similarities between what someone shares and what is in that book, while they may not match perfectly they should be generally the same. Look for sponsees, if they have none there is probably a reason. Ask how long they are sober, yes this matters, a person can have all the head knowledge in the world, can say they have been "around" for a few 24 hours, sound really good in meetings, but when you ask the truth is they have never made it more than 6 months between loads.

If you have beliefs about such things as religion, medication, sexual preference, meetings, etc...it is wise to find someone with whom you share these beliefs. Like minded people (as long as your thinking is correct) exist and will be happy to share with you with love and tolerance. I practice a certain religion, therefor I am particularly well suited to sponsor someone who also participates in this religion. It also means that we should share the same moral and ethical beliefs.

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Sponsor, Therapist or Meeting....

What to share when and why...From the time I was early in recovery I was told what was appropriate to share in a meeting and what was not by a sponsor, I was also informed when I was beyond their range of expertise and where else I ought to seek advice. While I believe there is a place for everything, I also believe that we are often misguided in where that place is. Here's a breakdown of what to share where and why.

Meetings: Should be a gathering of alcoholics in a GSO sanctioned group with a format, a chairperson and a topic. While it has become common place to open a meeting with the question "who has a problem", this is neither good for the person who has the problem, nor for anyone else in the meeting. The person who chairs the meeting should come to the meeting with a topic prepared, and unless there is a new person there and the focus needs to shift to 1st step solution, then it is the chairs responsibility to keep the meeting on topic. We can help, if the chair has no topic, by selecting one that is common and general and then sharing on this topic briefly to allow others time to prepare their thoughts, we can also bring the meeting back on topic when we share mid-meeting. It is also helpful to share in a way that summarizes the key points of the meeting at the end for those with less time to get ahold of the best tid-bits of info. It is not our place to share where we are today, what small problem we are facing or obstacle that lye in our path. AA meetings should be general and solution oriented, and should never be about one individuals problem or need, this type of group sponsorship promotes a lack of sponsorship as well as an overall sense of self-will run riot. If an individual member wishes to discuss his/her personal issues in a meeting it is up to us the responsible members of AA to politely ask them to stay on topic and inform them we would be happy to discuss this after the meeting. If they object, inform them that our 5th tradition states we are there to talk about alcoholism and recovery from it only.

Sponsor: Here is an individual who has elected to help guide you down the path of recovery, while the role of the sponsor varies widely this term was originally derived from the person who offered to "sponsor" a patient into the hospital for detox in the early days of AA. General rule of thumb is that you talk to your sponsor about everything recovery related, and that you discuss those things you would not feel comfortable speaking about in a meeting with your sponsor. Also if it falls outside of the range of meeting materials I listed above you should talk with a sponsor about this. While they may offer advice on personal relationships, money and finance, and religion it is generally accepted that this advice be accepted as you would a close friend or parent who has gone through the same or similar experience and come out the other side. However, those things pertaining to AA and recovery should be followed as though they are directions without hesitation or deviation.

Therapy: There have been a few occasions that called for a professional in my sober life and I am grateful there were people to call on when no one else could seem to help. Many of us have outside issues, abuse, deviant behavior, anger and rage, etc...that we are neither comfortable discussing with others or able to fix on our own, for these things The Big Book clearly states we should seek outside help. Remember though that as alcoholics we must remain free of mood and mind altering substances as the professional community tends to lack proper ethics when it comes to a prescription pad. We are responsible for our sobriety and a second or even third opinion from an elder member of AA should be sought before taking any medication.

Lastly let's not forget that quiet place of prayer, where in many of us should go to seek not only the answers we need but also the strength and courage to follow through. Many of our trials are meant simply to strengthen our relationship with God. Seek him...Stay tuned for the next entry which will be certain to please...Anti-depressants and the modern meeting!

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Most common denominator...

The fellowship today tends to lend itself to the idea that most everything in life today, all the heart ache, the troubles, the highs and the lows are associated (no matter how loosely) with recovery from alcoholism. This entitles some to share whatever they please in meetings under the guise that it pertains to their recovery. Let's keep in mind though, that we are here to share in the common solution, and this solution is much like math in that it must be shared in the most common denominator. That is, when we share we are to do so in a general way that is non-exclusive and simple enough to include the most number of people.

When specific problems are shared in our fellowship and are not generalized they have to the tendency to be inclusive to some and exclusive to most, leaving the other members feeling left out. It also limits the amount of experience that can be drawn from in the meeting. Perhaps you are Catholic and have been away from the Church in active addiction. You come to an open meeting and want to hear some experience from members who have had a similar experience. Only if you share this you are liable to immediately exclude more than half the room who are either non-Catholic or have had a bad experience with the church. Try this instead, ask for experience about God, ask how working the steps has lead others to a better relationship with God. This takes out a single excluding factor.

In the end we all share in a common denomination, alcoholism and recovery from it. We have a solution we have been able to agree upon completely and whenever possible we should try to share form our experience as it pertains to this solution. Having financial problems, what about the homeless person across the room? Does that make the fear of losing your home any less troubling? No, but would fear or the promise fear of financial insecurity leaving a better topic than the specifics of you losing your home?

Part of the reason the fellowship is experiencing such poor recovery rates is the simple fact that so many of us have trouble latching on and feeling as though we belong. This is due in large part to the fact that it has become common place to talk about our problems as they pertain to "our" own individual recovery instead of sharing about the common struggle and the common solution to this.

Up next...Meeting, Sponsor, or Therapist...the tendency for us to confuse what is shared where!

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